Journale d'Angel

Journale d'Angel


January 23, 2021

Recently I was reminded of a friend on tumblr from over 5 years ago now and we haven't been able to be in contact ever since I deleted that tumblr blog one day without thinking. Luckily the blog name still exists after all these years but I am not sure if it's still owned by the same Brit girl or if someone else owns the username now. Real sad boi hours when it comes to internet friends. I want to message her and apologize to her about my absense but is it even necessary? I mean she either a) forgot about me or b) doesn't give a shit or c) it's someone completely new. I just remember that one night I stayed up, she wrote a song based on my screaming about some dumb boy I was in (puppy) love with at the time. I think about her periodically and today I was just reminded of her existence. Perhaps she will ignore my message, who knows. I am very emotionally unstable though better than I was as a senior in highschool. I have so many fears, and timezone makes this shit harder. Anyway like a fucknut, I messaged her before I am supposed to sleep but now my anxious brain won't be able to rest easy at all.

September 5th, 2020

Wowowowowow 3 months haha. I kinda lost my drive to keep updating this site but I probably should. I guess uhhhh update: I'm picking up nursing classes again now that my uni is open again. Also I've been drinking pumpkin spice lattes nearly every day since it was released at Starbucks (no whip with almond milk lmao). I hope everyone on this site has been doing well. I still wear lolita btw, just easier to post to instagram.

June 5th, 2020

I apologize for the lack of a proper update in a long time. I've just felt so...depleted. Even before quarantine and the police brutality and the looming fact the USA is probably going under. I just don't feel happy, or any other feeling for that matter. I feel like a husk, just kinda like,,,,existing. I don't know what to do, highkey just wanna kill myself lmao (for reasons THIS IS A JOKE lmao). I feel no hope, I feel no future, I feel no reason to keep on going. fkdllllllllllllllllllllsl;af enj cmnvjn fjd fdljhgroie gejf jskribtturejg fdnbmbnvc,bjjfhipapwlsdfmvcfkdrjfb rhgfbjvcrugheudsldfnkvbmcbrjegsnfb gujgrj igrjrfvfn vnk jaow;jfreig jslkfd kl fbjdkjgdklgjp s[gfkfdls;j gjo[sj

May 10th, 2020

LMAO I really need to update my wardrobe on this site. I bought like 10 dresses since quarantine started. I ended up nabbing all 4 colorways of the Bunny College cutsew hoodie :') but to be fair, the yellow one was for a friend.

May 5th, 2020

AYYYYYYYY so I will finally finish my wardrobe tomorrow and try and upload my outfits (without the editing out because that shit is a lot of work fam, just gonna upload with my ugly room lmao). How am I holding up in quarantine?? Well I think I have reached my limit and have officially lost my marbles. Y'all have permission to shoot me because I feel so fucking sad and I feel like nothing is real anyway. Maybe getting killed will wake me from my weird coma haha.

April 29th, 2020

I apologize for my lack of outfit updates (or website updates in general) I've been posting a lot to my instagram and tbh quarantine has seriously demotivated me. But I guess a quick summary of what I've been up to:
-playing the witcher 3
-broke up with my bf
-FINALLY got Disney+ (I haven't watched the Mandolorian yet rip)
-did hella shopping (I need to pad my wardrobe with more socks and jewelry now)
-Started class and my midterms are coming up soon

And yeah...that's about it. ATM I'm taking a break from my studies to update here (in case anyone actually reads my site lol). I am currently trying to figure out tenso and buying directly from AP Japan's online shop. They have these CUTE FUCKING BUNNY CUTSEW OPS and I am in DIRE NEED OK. Luckily my SS is making a special exception for me (no guarantees though) to try and snag the color I prefer from the online website. And bless my friend's soul, she also offered to help me grab the bunny cutsew op for me since tenso works for me (IDK why it hates me :') Wish me luck!

March 10th, 2020

THIS JUST IN: Local idiot just spent more money on BTSSB's website despite the fact she is going to San Fran next weekend :')

I saw on FB that BTSSB SF updated their stock last night and in a panic I checked online to see that they've restocked (I'm assuming leftovers? Or cancelled orders) of the ice cream kumyas and I was very tempted to get mint one. I decided against it as I already preordered the usakumya ice cream pochette and bag charm however I did cave and purchase the kumya charm since I only bought the usakumya one at the time of reservation. I also got the last pink x white usakumya cutsew and I am very tempted to get the black x white. But I had to tell myself I much rather buy this stuff in person as I don't absolutely need it (except that bag charm lmao). I also got black UTKs because I lost my other pair!! It had a really cute embroidery image of the white rabbit in his "queen of hearts" court marshal(?) outfit. At this point, all i can say is that it's been eaten by the washing machine monster.

Also lately, it's been harder to catch up and make friends. I tend to get ignored in group chats so I wonder if it's just a me thing. I'm not the greatest texter for sure, but when I try I guess I tend to miss the mark. On the bright side, I am meeting a special someone today at the cherry blossom grove at a local university (the campus is quite big). It's the same guy I was randomly asked to go hang out with a few weeks ago.

February 21st, 2020

Received more shit in the mail! And yes you can bet yo ass it's gonna be another 300 years before I finally get around to updating my virtual closet :') I also curled my hair for the first time in ages, I missed how much they bounce around as I walk.

February 11th, 2020

...Whelp, I got asked out?? Or asked to hang out at least. Unsure because it's an old classmate from 2015 when I was working on my first degree. I literally haven't spoken to him since that one class (which I don't even remember btw) and even then we didn't talk outside of class, we were just desk mates lol. But he asked me to meet up with him this Friday for drinks which I'm totally down for but also it's Valentine's day so IDK what to think. It might just be a reconnection thing but I'm always skeptical because the last time a former college classmate asked me to hang, it was because he found me cute and I was very uncomfortable. Took me a while to shake him off. This guy was really fun if I really because we were both so nerdy but 5 years is more than enough time for someone to change so who knows, we may not vibe well this time around. I hope he isn't looking for anything. I do want an excuse however to go heavy drinking lmao.

February 10th, 2020

Took an exam today, I'm somewhat confident in it but that's what I get for staying up until 2 AM to study :') Nursing is hard my bros. I didn't wear lolita today but I am thinking of changing now to go out and enjoy the second day of sunshine here in my state (yes we had absolutely no sun since uhhhh perhaps November last year?? Honestly no wonder travelling to England back in 2017 felt like I didn't even leave the states lol).

Today I wanted to talk about personal growth in the fashion. Not sure where I'll be a year from now and I wanna have something to come back to. Apparently today is my lolita anniversay (I got one of those "memories" posts pop up on my Facebook today and it was a photo of me wearing real lolita for the first time ever in my very first brand dress). Today marks the beginning of my third year in the fashion. I've been in the fashion for exactly two years now. Past me in like middle school wouldn't have ever thought I'd be here. Anyway I wanted to type out a bunch of shit.

First Coordinate:
JSK: Angelic Pretty's Elisabeth Unicorn high waist JSK in pink
Blouse: white chiffon F21 blouse XD (jesus christ lmao)
Tights: just plain fuckin' white ones
Shoes: Bodyline (I think)

First time out in lolita: an anime convention
First brand piece: Angelic Pretty
First lolita meet: Swap meet in the park
First Brand Tea Party: Angelic Pretty SF's 8th Anniversary
First Tea Party ever: Local comm meet at a cute London themed Tea House
First time modeling for a brand: Angelic Pretty SF 2018
First brand item: AP Elisabeth Unicorn high waist JSK
First JSK: AP Elisabeth Unicorn high waist JSK
First OP: AP Magic Princess in Lavender
First Brand Outerwear: AP Raincoat in Ivory
First Brand legwear: Elisabeth Unicorn tights in white
First Brand shoes: AATP criss cross RHS in gold
First brand bag: AP shoulder heart bag in pink
First in-store brand purchases: AP SF for British Crown JSK in pink and various accessories I think...:')
First Indie Brand piece: Lilieth et Adalia Anastasia JSK
First J-fashion Specific convention: Paradiso 2020

honestly can't think of any other "firsts" but I'll add to it as I come up with it.

February 6th, 2020

Haven't dressed up much lately mostly due in part that it's been RAINING NONSTOP and I don't want my clothes to get ruined. In other news, my Cornet headbow arrived and it's CUTE. I'm still waiting on my tartan Cornet JSK in the mail. Also, my friend who I am meeting for the first time IRL invited another person to join us in our hotel room and while I am excited to meet them too, I am more excited by the fact that we'd all be saving money on rooming XD. I don't know if I mentioned it yet but I will be attending Paradiso this year! I'm quite excited, thought I still need to get my plane ticket down on lock LMAO.

February 4th, 2020

Yesterday neocities was working properly again so that I could update my wardrobe page! Of course now, I have received a couple more things in the mail and now I have to take new pictures yet again :') The cycle just never ends. I was going to wear lolita today but to my surprise, it started to snow! and it's been snowing heavily since about 10AM this morning. I was really excited about my new cornet skirt and new metamorphose bloomers but I guess that'll have to wait for another day :'""") Today I am feeling quite mellow yet very stressed at the same time. Perhaps I am due for a nap (then I PROMISE I'll get started on my uni essays).

Update 4:30PM - I was just thinking today how much I miss traveling. I used to go to SF so many times (and you bet your frilly butt I shopped at Angelic Pretty each time). I'm going back next month but I really miss flying down there like every other week :') My long time ex was really abusive but man do I miss his free flight benefits haha.

January 29th, 2020

Whelp, neocities is officially being a dick :') I finally got around to uploading the rest of my wardrobe (including my shoes) but now there appears to be some sort of error and I cannot work around it. I'll try again another day I suppose.

in other news, I am now an affiliate for Wunderwelt! I will post more recommended items whenever I post a new diary entry. Please note that I do make a small commission if you click on the link and shop wunderwelt through there. I am a student and any way to make extra money really helps! I will, of course, be posting items I would actually buy myself (so in a way, this is also to help me keep track of shit I want) but if one of y'all nab it first, I'm happy to share the new products as I see them! Once again, please click on the item link through my blog if you plan to shop on wunderwelt. Wunderwelt helps you save money on secondhand brand items and you help me make a small bit of yen. A win-win I say!

Anyway, here's my recommendation today from Angelic Pretty!

Osanpo Candy Chan Coat

Coat of Arms JSK

Honey Cake Blouse  A rare find!! It even has the matching honey cake lace, perfect for matching the recent MTO releases :)

Baniran Low Waist JSK  I actually own this exact JSK in white and it's very comfortable OKAY

Hem Scalloped Jacket  A versatile old school jacket! (You can even see the old school AP tag omg)

January 26th, 2020

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I forgot to check online all weekend and I have homework due in class tomorrow morning :') doing them now (luckily it's just notes). In other news, I'm still debating whether or not to wear lolita to class tomorrow. I feel like I have an image to upkeep but ALSO it's too damn cold to dress up sometimes (and too fuckin' rainy). Maybe tomorrow after my classes, I'l finally update my wardrobe with my new shit AND finally get started on my Paradiso headdress I'm making. I'm planning to try and follow the theme this year so I'm planning on two ballet-inspired coords (one based on The Nutcracker's Clara and the other on Swan Lake's Odette. I'm quite excited for it as I am going to be meeting my friend for the first time in person (we've known each other online since 2018). It's her birthday too on the second day of Paradiso and I wanna give her a meaningful gift (I know she likes pierrots and bat motifs though I did learn she in facts loves cross motifs more than bats, despite her closet being full of bats LMAO). She also loves lavender x black color combinations. I wanna buy her something lolita related of course, and I debated on getting the lavender bear bag from AP but every time they announce it for release, I just happen to not have the money for it. My last college payment is coming up on the 5th of February so perhaps after that, I'll contact my SS in regards to somehow obtaining the purple bear. I would've loved to have bought her a dream dress BUT that hoe owns all her dream dresses so I'm like BITCHHHHHHH PLEASEEEEEE ya main hoe is dyin' over here :'""") so anyway I'm really excited to get this college payment overwith so I can buy her a gift that shows her how much I love her as a friend, she's been extremely supportive of me and is honestly really funny and I wanna show her my whole ass appreciation. I'll come up with something, may try the bear potentially (if anyone is even willing to sell it since it was a special release for the opening of the Shibuya store AND for some other event).

A FUCKING UPDATE: Asked my friends to ask for me on FB for either the lav bear or lav bunny lmao hopefully (IF they even get a response) the seller doesn't ask for something too scalpy lmao I understand both were special items but yeah not like $500 or something crazy like that haha.

January 25th, 2020

I got a whole ass haul the other day and I've been too lazy to update my online wardrobe. I was also too lazy to update my coordinate pics :') Someone motivate me lmao.

January 22nd, 2020

Man I felt MAD cute today. Unfortunately my self-timer photography skills aren't that great, combined with my shit phone editing to make me floating in the website void lmao. Today, I'm feeling really nostalgic and I am really itching to go back to Disneyland again soon. My cousin and I have made it a tradition to go every year and today she sent me old photos from our last trip and now I am like T-T I WANNA GO. Also, I applied for an airline again. Last time I got halfway through the hiring process before they decided not to hire me. I applied this time to a new airline (local to my city actually with bases in CALIFORNIA) and I am hoping that now that I know roughly how the interviews work, I'll have a better chance?? Otherwise, nursing is still a great back up haha. The company opened applications for 3 days only (Jan 21-23rd) and I am hoping since the training will also happen in my city, in addition to the short application window, that my chances this time will be much higher! I debated back and forth in regards to this job opening because I wanted to be a flight attendant growing up, but after discovering I'd like to be a traveling nurse, I gave up on it, thinking it would give me a guaranteed job to travel while making money. But if there is a small chance I could be a flight attendant, perhaps that will be better? (And cheaper due to no college classes ahaha) and I mean, I can still work on my nursing degree online if I still wish to do so (sure it would be hard but I can take on that challenge). Is it stupid of me? I don't know, I haven't really thought it through much if I do get accepted. I know what I'll do if I don't get this career option, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try.

I am definitely being stupid and impulsive. WHy did I do pre-req nursing classes if I was going to be ready to abandon it at a moment's notice?? I am struggling right now. I used my own money for classes (yes I am taking classes without the help of FAFSA at the moment) but I'm trying to look at it like "well at least I can always pick it back up again".

January 21th, 2020

Oof shit, I apologize for my late night entry, it's kind of embarrassing how valley girl I sound when I write anything. My biggest weak point is that I tend to text/type out my thoughts as if I were actually speaking it. I'm not sure yet thought if I wanna continue doing these entries in a more "proper" way of writing or to continue my text speech way of wrtiting. I feel it's a little more personable typing as if I were talking to you (the reader or whoever the fuck happens to stumble across my shit hole corner of the internet). Also I noticed just now that I also seem to have the tendency to type out my exact thoughts as I'm thinking them. Sure, I could just internalize this thought process I have going on but somehow it's helping me to type everything out.

January 20th, 2020

It's actually 23 minutes past midnight for me at the time of me writing this (so technically it is the 21st) BUT I JUST NEEDED TO ANNOUNCE HERE THAT FUCKING MCR ANNOUNCED THEIR SECOND SHOW IN THE UK ON MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR AND I DON'T KNOW I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS VERY COOL haha the emo kid in me is excited.

I need to go to sleep soon but I wanted write out how I was feeling here. Ever since IDK how long, I've always felt like I was constantly rejected and that I had to work extra hard to make and keep friends. Well lately, I've been feeling even worse about it. I know my mind is being irrational but I can't help it, I keep thinking I am doing something horrible and that's why I am being isolated from my friends. And on top of this, I've been feeling very fat (like thanks body, for making me feel gross inside and out). :') hahaha I don't know where I am going with this, I just wanted to scream into the void that is the internet. Fuck my life y'all hahaha OOOOOH so like on the bright side, I am getting a couple more Cornet pieces! A black skirt from Wunderwelt, a NWT (I know, holy shit) headbow from fril, and finally a plaid dress from otamart(?). I'm quite pumped to get these in the mail! LMAO I'm TOTALLY not feeding my shopping addiction to distract me from hating myself haha noooo.

January 17th, 2020

LMAO I gave like 6 assignments I need to do but look at what yo bitch is doin' instead: fucking editing her WEBSITE. I promise I'll do them in like 30 minutes from writing this.

Not much to say about today other than I am really fucking excited to get my closetchild order today. EMS is expensive but I've been spoiled by it (I always get them in 2 or 3 days. And I live on the west coast!! Longest I've waited was 5 days). I'm hoping to wear my new stuff on Tuesday (since next Monday there isn't any classes due to holiday). I keep meaning to catalogue my entire wardrobe but there's just too much shit to go through.

UPDATE: I finished my hw AND my fucking closetchild order arrived and obviously I had to open it. I had ordered yet another AP cutsew op and a skirt and bloomer set by Cornet. I was extremely excited about the Cornet set lemme tell you. When I bought it though, I thought the set included two bloomers but I guess actually the bloomers are two sided??? Weirdly enough. Like one side is black velvet and white lace and the reverse side is the same plaid pattern as the skirt. The skirt is way too short to be considered lolita by modern standards (the bloomers peek out which i find very cute) but maybe I can get away with calling it "old school" lmao. I mean the whole damn brand is old school and doesn't exist anymore so IDKKKK.

January 16th, 2020

Welp folks, I was snowed in for a good 3 days and had my classes cancelled until today. Not that I mind the snow or anything, I fucking love doing donuts in the empty mall parking lot lmao but on the second day of snow when the sun finally peaked out, I gotta tell you I damn near cried. I suddenly couldn't remember the last time I saw the sun beaming down on me and the city I live in. HINT HINT my city is known for being dreary and cloudy like 85% of the year. Also grunge music and fashion was born here in the 90s. Anyway, it got me thinking about my future and how much I really want to make it a goal to move somewhere with more sunshine (minue the heat though, I cannot stand anything hotter than 80 degrees and even that is still pretty hot to me). I have to wait, I need to learn patience. Once I am done with obtaining my nursing degree I'm hightailing it out of here and never looking back. And while yes this certainly means I will have to take another nursing license certification test when I move to California, I think my mental wellbeing in the long run will be worth it. I've been here in this corner of the world for too long. I feel so trapped and claustophobic and I'm longing to break free. I think I will type out my dreams and wishes here. I feel if I don't post them anywhere publicly, nothing will hold me accountable. My goals for this new decade are:

-Getting my pre-req classes done
-Finishing my nursing degree (RN)
-Moving to California
-Balance out my travel and work time (to not slave away indoors until I die)
-To actually have savings (will be possible once I finish school and start getting that sweet, sweet career money)
-and though not a big focus, but hopefully before I'm 31, I meet my soulmate and get married??? After I get my fucking life in order of course haha

I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now but I'm sidetracked and haven't updated this site in a few days. I guess on the more, uh, merrier side, I now have a new favorite brand that I am willing to sell my fuckin soul for. I was introduced to this brand last year from a close friend of mine (whom I will finally meet at "Paradiso: a J-Fashion Gala" this year and I am so godDAMN excited bitches) and I want to fill up my closet with every piece from that brand I can find. The brand's designs are so simplistic yet so cute and wearble for daily lolita fashion wear. I kind of almost want to start a virtual museum with all the pieces I purchase? They are called Cornet, but have also gone by Shotgun Wedding and Garaus. Unfortunately for me, their whole brand shutdown and their pieces are quite elusive. Don't get me wrong, I still love my homies Angelic Pretty and Baby the Stars Shine Bright, but Cornet is the version of old school lolita that I absolutely adore! Plus weirdly enough, their pieces fit bigger sizes??? I mean I fit into my other favorite brands, but only if i wear a sports bra and even them (due to my long body) the waist of the dresses rarely actually hit my real waist line (it's a good two inches or so above my waist) which is frustrating because the waist would actually fit me if the dress' bodice were only a big longer so that it didn't sit on my ribcage :'). In fact, most dresses are actually too BIG for my actual waist, but I am cursed with a big ribcage and big titty my dudes. And so, many dresses end up looking like shit on me. So this is why I'm excited to buy pieces from Cornet! The waist on those dresses should fit my upper ribcage (where I know the dress' waistlines will sit lmao).

Okay so like, I didn't really wear a proper lolita coordinate to school today. I didn't have time to plan and I threw on a cutsew OP I already wore recently and I felt like it would look weird on my timeline. Also I wanna start posting better coords instead of half-assed shit like I always do ahaha the internet is forever, gotta at least make myself look presentable to the online public. I already regret a couple of the coordinates I posted on the outfits timeline but it's chill it's whatever man.

January 10th, 2020

Today I dun goofed and came rushed to school only to realize I FORGOT I DON'T HAVE PSYCH FRIDAY MORNINGS :') I panicked big time for nothing. And then on my way to my second class MY BOOTS FUCKING BROKE. The soles came off the right side before but luckily I was home when it happened and I just repaired it with shoe goo. But not this time, I was very unlucky and broke my shoe 10 minutes before class. Like the whole thing was flopping off and I was really, really, really fucking embarrassed. Once my LEFT sole came off, I messaged my classmate for rescue :') but I waited until it was like one minute before class and she still hasn't shown up (she might've gotten lost or confused for where she thought I was). So I hobbled in and she came in a few minutes later (I feel really bad because I told her I made it in class and she was a couple minutes late. Thankfully our professor is merciful and didn't mark off points or whatever because of me). I asked if she had a rubber band or something and she said no but she could give me her hair tie after class and then!! it!! hit!! me!! I'M SO FUCKING DUMB. I had not one but TWO HAIR TIES IN MY OWN DAMN HAIR and I was like HOLY FUCK ARE YOU SHITTING ME HOW DUMB CAN I BE?!?!? So I told her omg no it's okay I can just take out my pig tails omfg :') Bless her though, to offer me her FANCY LOOKING DESIGNER BRAND (like literally Gucci) SCRUNCHIE to hold the front of my broken shoe together T-T She is super kind and I only wish her the best of things. Yes, I haven't gotten over how nice she was and how she didn't mind being a couple minutes late to class for my idiocy :'""")

Today I realized I could make another page for my complete wardrobe!!! And yes I do mean including more than dresses and blouses, I'mma photograph my jewelry, all my headpieces, and shoes! I don't know yet how I want to format that but just FYI that is coming soon!

January 9th, 2020

Man FINALLY. I started on coding this website three days ago on the 6th, Monday, and only NOW did I finish the entire thing! (Despite having accidentally deleteing my "About Me" page :'). I backed up all my html coding on my PC and even created a place to save all my blog templetes for new blog posts and such. My back and my neck are sore, my eyes feel like the world is spinning, but man does it feel SO!! FUCKING!! GOOD!! To have this all up and running! I may still make some tweaks here and there since although I am satisfied with my site, the only page I still feel "meh" about is this diary page. For now, it serves it's purpose!

I guess just like as a more in-depth intro, I am a lolita fashion enthusiast and a big gamer! I love traveling and I always make my way down to Disneyland every year. I wear this fashion to college almost everyday and I enjoy it immensely! Coding/blogging is another side hobby of mine that I wanna get more into thus I created this personal website. I'm mainly going to be updating the outfits page and the diary page the most often. I unfortunately didn't wear lolita today but I wanted to have one real blog post up and running LMAO. Also I talk in tangents a lot so none of my diary entries are gonna be coherent probably but honestly who cares??? I have to remember that I am doing this for myself, as I want to look back at all the old posts maybe a year from now. It IS the beginning of a new decade after all.

Aside from coding this website, I am finally back in school for the first time in about 3 years. I graduated from highschool back in June 2016 but didn't finish my Associate's Degree until sometime early 2017 I think?? So I guess it has been almost exactly three years. Originally I wanted to be a flight attendant, as I thought it would be a great fit for a restless person like me, but my 21st birthday came around and I had no idea what I wanted to do, I couldn't wait around forever hoping an airline would hire me. My breakdown around November(?) led me to the realization that I wanted to become a travel nurse. In that darkest moment of my life, I suddenly had so much clarity. I had never before been more sure of anything else in my life.